Wait. What?

Never really understood what the fuss is all about for a new year. While the world continues to party. Booze. Crackers. Cakes. Anymore?! I will bury my big head in the big books. And be a silly nerd. Hmm. 2013, be good please.

The sky is bright outside. I can see through the window. The thick curtains are drawn completely in my room. And it feels like dark winter. Everything is warm and soothing on the inside. Who wants to look outside. The reality. Who wants the truth. A girl can dream, can wish, can pray, can hope. Can't she?! I am just a girl. It's times like this when I make no sense, I dislike myself. Hate is a strong word, you see. My fingers keep moving nonstop on the keyboard. It amazes me. I pause. Why?! To break the knuckles. To rethink my thoughts. To reorder my thoughts. All jumbled up. Feels like a curled up bundle of wires. And the image of it in my head is disturbing. But the pause makes it only worse. Give me a warm thick blanket. I'll bury myself in it and never be seen. Listen to Norah Jones. And how she wants me to come away with her. Heh. Maybe I should go out. For a walk. Alone. To shake off this feeling. My feet is cold. Numb. Is the feeling.

Get drunk on the house roof top. Count the stars until the alcohol reaches the head. Lie down on the tiled wooden roof. Complain about the cold wind hitting my arms. Pour another glass full. The clink in our cheers gives an extra boost. Look up to the full moon to say something. And I hear a rolling laughter in my head. Or is it just you by my side?! Insane, have I gone?! High, I have reached?! Who knows.

They come. They go. We remain. The same, maybe not But a little worse, yes. #internals. And, there burns the midnight bulb. But she is fast asleep. 

The stars still twinkle. They still shine. I still jump up and down. I still have my smile on. Because. Beyond here lies nothing, Nothing but the moon and stars.

All I want to do is be done with you, Thermodynamics. And. Also maybe, listen to The Kinks and groove with the beats. You know. ihatestudying. Hmm.

I see a face. That's what its all about. Through the cold rains, Amongst the cold winds, On the grey sky, I see you. I sit down, cross-legged, my style. And look up to you. To see you again. To see you through your mask. Blink your eyes. Stay still, gaze a little maybe. Shower on me. Shower on us. I see you. I see you now with your halo. Give a sign. To say its alright. Coz, the grey turned into the dark. And you have disappeared without a trace.

Broken string. On the guitar. And still, If the stars don’t shine, If the moon won’t rise, If I never see the setting sun, Again. A song. Nay. The song has hit me again. Real hard this time. Plays on the loop. And it’s been more than 2 days. I’d hold a glass of wine. Vodka please?! Take a puff from your cigarette. Slow dance along. Beautiful. Yet so harsh. This crazily amazing song. And posts like these need to stop. Yes?!

When she’s high on a headache. And doesn’t get enough sleep. In the warm balmy evening. Wouldn’t a hot cup of coffee be just perfect?! With some hot pakoras. Maybe. Coz golgoppas aren’t allowed anymore, you know.  Too bad, she doesn’t drink coffee. Too bad, coffee sickens her to death. If only humans could stay in bed all day long. A thick blanket. A novel. With a phone, plugged in ear-phones. Ah. Screw humans. If only she could stay in bed. All day long. A cliché dream, you say?! And wander the streets in the night. Let the headaches get better. And the music get louder. She could dream of paradise. Chris Martin will explain that better to y’all. Yes. Life goes on, it gets so heavy   The wheel breaks the butterfly   Every tear a waterfall   In the night the stormy night she'll close her eyes   In the night the stormy night away she'd fly   Hear that. See what I meant. Get that. That’s the...

.. Before I go. For the road. One more cup of coffee. Is it me. Or Dylan. Or the exams. Legendary songs make some sense to you at 3am. Don’t they?!

Friends are done for the night. ‘Dude, I’m drunk.’ they said. And dozed off like the dead. What if the rains stop now. And the silence resumes again. She doesn’t want to be alone. No, not tonight. Not without the rain. The grey puff rises ahead of her. She stares in awe at the smoke in her hand. Across the window, she leans. To face the cold wind. To feel the cold touch. To the dark world. It pours down heavy. Little droplets fall at her feet. She clicked a photo of the night. Stared at it deeply for a while. A second cigarette she lights. She takes in. She takes it all. Swifts away with the wind, the heavenly smoke from her hand. She wishes she could too. Rings against the curtain, she blows. In the aroma she drowns. A feeling so strong, so unstable, so real. She grows weak. She grows numb. In all her glory with a smile on her face, ‘Put this cigarette out for me, will you?!’ she murmurs. To herself. To the night. To the rain. .. And I wait for...

Every internals gets a post. Yes. And so do you, you Compensatory fool. I dis-heart you so. I do not need you, Mass Transfer to fuck up my life. Just once go easy on me. I’ll behave. Bring in the guitar, bring in the drums. Let me live a life of awesomeness of all sorts. Things can be a lot worse at this point in the semester. But, somehow I’m doing good. Somehow, the entire nuisance doesn’t matter. And, the world is a better place. Or, maybe it all hasn't started yet. Something that I read on a random blog recently. “If I can listen to the start and the end of your laughter, I’d build a house and dig a grave for myself.” It made me smile. The words convey such pure emotions. I love them for it. No magnitude measured. No direction headed. A presence. Known. Felt. And sufficed. Of distant thoughts. Of distant hopes. Maybe what they say is true – It’s all there; If we want it, if we need it. Let’s stop talking about Physics. An...

The wise me once said, ‘Don’t let internals get to you, they aren’t worth it.’ Who was I, a saint?! INTERNALS SUCK !! -which is the whole point of this post. Yes. Thank you very much. Get me down to business. It is going to be my bitch. Oh Yeah.

It is 5 minutes to 3am. I type this on my phone. God bless this heavenly machine. Sleepovers rule. \m/ A big bowl of awesome curd rice + ice cream at 1.30am put me to sleep instantly. And woke me up an hour later. Here I am now. What goes?! A high I haven’t felt before. A sudden rush of feelings to the head. Head, not the heart. Head. A change. A smile. The scared thought. Yet the smile. Why?! Or, how. The doubts. The questions. God. Randomness equals awesomeness. Agree?! The strangeness. The happiness. Give in?! Give up?! But. A simple, what. The memories. The looks. The simplicity. Ah. The beauty. A teeny-tiny bit of weirdness. The feel. The butterflies flutter around too much. Bad?! Ah, no. Good. Why the behavior. Why at 3am. Pink Floyd spoke to me. Serious. Chris Martin did too. Very serious. The songs make sense?! A little bit. Yes. Or, do I hope they make sense?! Ah, that’s bad, dear. Why did I grow up. And when did life ...

Its late in the night, brain is refusing to think of a title for this post. To my awesome best-friend, *grins* I miss those long-long hours of phone calls to each other. I miss listening to you while you were on the potty. And you would say, ‘my ass is dry, hold on’. I’m sorry, I had to mention it. :P Of all the things I remember about you in school, I do not remember us exchanging our landline number at all. Do you?! :O Remember the days when we would call each other 6 times a day?! What on earth would we talk so much, I still wonder. I still know your landline number by-heart. I know you don’t remember mine. :/ Come back to B’lore, we’ll go to Goa and you can make fun of me again for all the stupid things I did on the Goa trip. I want to sit next to you in a classroom and make fun of the teacher. Remember those big sheets in which we had some long-long convos. Stupid internet dint allow me to put up the pictures of them only. Me: When we meet after 20 years ...

The sleepless nights have started. Or I'd rather say, the unwillingness to sleep has started. At times it's just me, the darkness, the faint orange light through the window, the quite notes on my guitar, the tap tap texting sound on  my phone. And, there are the conversational nights too. More than the other nights, I can say. Since the time Internet took birth in my house, the endless awesome-blogs-read-athon during the night all the way till 2am is truly awesome. At times I do sleep off like a new born baby soon after dinner. But, those are the rare times. It's a full moon night. The moon showering its light all over the sky, making it a beauty which always failed to impress me before; impresses me now. The calmness of the night sky which bored me before enlightens me now. Makes my heart light. And I glow. With the glow of the moon, I glow. I can almost see the stars smiling at me. They are too proud to have instigated such feelings in me; I smile back. Oh what...